10 years married
Ten years and one day ago I woke up needing to pee, beating the 4am alarm I’d set the evening before. The combination of butterfly’s in my tummy, tiny feet kicking and the sway of the ship on the ocean made me feel unsteady on my feet. Since the room was no more than a big shoe-box I sat up and leaned forward, able to kiss my two little blonde babies without leaving the bed. I pulled the blanket up and over your back, grabbed my bag and headed into the bathroom for the most awkward leg shaving experience of my life. Five months pregnant in a budget ‘bathroom’ on a cruise ship (rocking!). One razor, store bought makeup, straightened hair the day before, one hour to myself, hoping you’ll settle the girls if they wake and longing in that moment for my Sisters.
You didn’t notice the cut on my ankle or the makeup melting off my face that tropical Wednesday morning. But you did acknowledge my anxiety and calmed my panic when I saw the girls wiggling next you (they needed to pee) and after walking too fast and not elegantly at all down the aisle you took my hand. And made me stop. Just like you always do. And I looked at you savoring the moment and now I could too. It was quiet there. But it wasn’t. Birds were screeching, the ocean lapping the shore nearby, the Mayor of Vanuatu was marrying us, speaking Bislama, the girls were talking throughout, traditional guards blew their shells. And I felt you squeeze my hand. You looked at me unsure, but sure. We didn’t understand but we both said, “I do”. I love that.
I will travel to the ends of the earth to have a quiet, noisy moment with you because you are my steady and with my hand in yours I can transform. Together we understand better.